A Year of NCIS, Day 152: Masquerade (Episode 7.14)

Episode: Masquerade, Episode 7.14.

Air Date: February 2, 2010.

The Victim: …it’s complicated.

Emotionally Traumatized, But Ultimately Irrelevant, Witness Who Finds the Body: We’re in a bar. One bachelor is trying to give his buddy bachelor the confidence to get laid. But the buddy’s attempts at pick-up lines are inspiring only a confidence that he won’t get laid.  Fortunately, a nearby girl is sympathetic enough to suggest Bachelor #2 be himself, and they start chatting.  His name is Alfonso, her name is Lynne, and it’s going OK until Alfonso gets distracted by seeing his brother’s very distinctive fast car in a police chase on a nearby TV news broadcast.  Alfonso gets a call from Roman, his brother, who says, “It’s happening!” and tells Alfonso that, wherever he is, he needs to run.  Then, Alfonso looks back at the TV screen and sees his brother’s car explode.

Alrighty, then… 

Plot Recap: Tony and Ziva arrive at HQ, where Tony is talking about tap dancing lessons.  And pirate-speak.  And…McGee wearing a tuxedo jacket to work?  McGee is on the phone and stands up and claps.  We see from the computer and the plasma that McGee is participating in an online wedding.  He says it’s for a gamer buddy who is getting married in Spain.  Tony immediately starts laughing and poking fun, but virtual participation in important events is suddenly a lot less funny in April 2020, n’est-ce pas?

Gibbs appears, arm in a sling from last episode (Jet Lag, Episode 7.13) and is so shocked by McGee’s tux and the concept of a virtual wedding, that his “Grab your gear!” gets cut off.  The wedding is almost over, so Gibbs even lets McGee finish.  If McGee were trying to prevent his identity from being stolen (Switch, Episode 3.5) or de-impound his car (Tony in Hometown Hero, Episode 2.21), he’d be shit out of luck.  But I guess, despite his history, even Gibbs recognizes the “Big Event!” status of weddings.

We’re treated to exploding car, dead Marine, field agent in tux, because Gibbs used up all his patience on the wedding and doesn’t let McGee change.

At the scene, the debris radius is impressive.  The car is registered to Marine Lance Corporal Roman Vega, back from his second tour in Iraq.  He ran a stop sign, prompting the chase, hit a pothole, ka-boom.  Ziva recognizes the odor and identifies a highly volatile explosive that Gibbs says was in the trunk.  Given the lack of a trigger and the timing, Ziva hypothesizes an accident. 

Ducky and Palmer found the lance corporal’s torso, but it’s badly burned and they’ll need DNA for positive ID.  They’re also missing several major body parts.  McGee says he almost forgot and hands over our victim’s head in a brown paper grocery bag.  He found it back behind an old bowling alley and is a little too casual and jokey about that for Ducky’s tastes.  Ducky gets right up in his face and lets him know about it too.  Which is an odd look after Ducky and Tony joked about last episode’s victim being blown out of his shoes by an explosion.  Flesh and Blood, Episode 7.12.

Tony and McGee find an odd cell signal deadspot near the car, but only just near the car.  McGee has a brainstorm and, for some reason, carries a Geiger counter in his equipment.  It gives a positive reading from the car and Tony pulls McGee back.  Radiation.

We return from break, and the agents are all in post-contamination clothes.  Tony is concerned about “my little DiNozzo-makers.”  McGee and Ziva are annoyed that Tony is only thinking about Tony.  A fast-moving, small person in full protective gear and mask sprints toward the agents and jumps into Tony’s arms.  It’s Abby, and, as usual, she’s manically worried at even a hint of danger to the agents’ physical safety.  But she has good news- the agents were only exposed to minute radiation traces and can even get their clothes back.

Abby confirms that the radiation wasn’t from the explosion, but did originate from a cobalt isotope that nuclear reactors generate as a waste product.  It has other uses- X-ray machines and such.  But, not any uses that would account for it being in some random guy’s trunk.  Gibbs and Ziva are now concerned about dirty bombs.  And, if the cobalt wasn’t in the explosion, where is it now?

At HQ, all three field agents are loudly on their cell phones giving instructions, and all three loudly caution, “And do not talk to the press!”  For all the good that does.  They look up to their TV, where “Dirty Bomb!” is emblazoned with a fancy TV logo.  Whoops.

They background Lance Corporal Vega.  He was born in Peru and he and his brother moved in with an aunt in Maryland after their parents were killed.  The agents know what we know: that Roman placed a call to Alfonso, so they start their search.

Meanwhile, in Vance’s office, the director introduces Gibbs to Walter Kane.  Kane runs a private intelligence firm and mentions having followed Gibbs for some time.  Gibbs asks, “On my blog?” and we all chuckle (while golf clapping that he knows what a blog is).  Kane has done some work for the Pentagon as private intel contractor.  Basically, because the regular intel agencies are bogged down with war intel (Iraq, Afghanistan), they outsource the research on countries we’re not at war with (I wonder if that’s a thing in real life).  Like Peru, Gibbs reasons.  Kane nods and says they’ve been following a terrorist group out of Peru that translates to New Liberty, ostensibly formed to protest US anti-drug policy as relates to Peru.  Kane says they’re not freedom fighters, but simply drug dealers who want the US presence limited or gone.  Either way, Kane is predicting an attack.  Vega travelled to Peru a lot and has been seen with shady characters.  Gibbs thinks that’s thin, but Vance notes that Vega’s car now “glows in the dark.”  Kane agrees the intel is thin, but he knows there’s a cell in DC and Vega was the only link.  Vance thanks him and says NCIS will take over.

Vance mentions having to go to Capitol Hill to argue against an impending defense/intel/terrorism bill of some sort that he thinks will allocate resources in the wrong direction.  McGee calls Gibbs with a lead. 

The team converges on the Belmont hotel.  Alfonso Vega checked in, used a business center computer and then went to his room.  Shady characters have been coming and going ever since.  They storm the room and there are dudes in suits inside who pull guns.  It sort of looks like the old NCIS multi-federal agency stand-off at first (See, e.g., Under Covers, Episode 3.8).  But then annoying attorney and Colonel Merton Bell shill Allison Hart (Ignition, Episode 7.11; see also Outlaws & In-Laws, Episode 7.6) comes out of the bathroom and identifies Alfonso as her client.

I’ll be damned.  There’s a TV playing the news in the background.  I absolutely wouldn’t have caught it but for the closed captioning, but the TV news reporter, talking about the dirty bomb threat, advises residents to “Shelter in place.”  I’d not paid attention to the term before the Covid-19 outbreak, and it’s a little messed up to hear it in this episode from over 10 years ago.

Gibbs and Hart clear the room.  Then they measure.   Lance Corporal Vega had been her client for a few weeks.  After Lance Corporal Vega died, Alfonso sought her out, and she hired private security for him.  Gibbs IDs them as Colonel Bell’s men, and Hart claims the colonel owed her a favor after she got him out of “that Mexican hellhole,” that Gibbs sent him to.  “The rule of law” sent Col. Bell to his Mexican hellhole, Gibbs corrects, and it also gives him the right to talk to Alfonso.  Hart agrees with the latter but insists on being in the room. 

As usual, Hart is all sanctimony all the time, and even when she’s right, she emblematic of the reason people hate lawyers.  If I seem unnecessarily annoyed by her, it’s because I’ve had to deal with lawyers like her.  They’re almost always amateurs with garbage cases.  They also calm right down and act normal once there’s nobody to perform for.

In interrogation, Gibbs sits down with Alfonso and Hart.  Tony hurriedly arrives to meet McGee in observation and is happy he hasn’t missed anything.  Ziva is microwaving the popcorn.

Gibbs is just staring.  Hart tells Alfonso that “Mr. Gibbs” is trying to make him nervous.  And after two episodes, Gibbs finally corrects her condescending bullshit and tells her to call him “Special Agent Gibbs.”  Gibbs asks about the call and, per what we saw, Alfonso says Lance Corporal Vega told him to run.  But Hart won’t allow him to say why, or whether he knew his brother was transporting radioactive material. 

Unfortunately, Hart loses her poker face when Gibbs mentions Lance Corporal Vega’s membership in Libertad Nueva, the terrorist group.  Gibbs notes that Hart must not have known that and Tony chortles behind the glass.  Gibbs starts laughing and asks if Hart needs to confer with her client.  She takes the offer, but Alfonso shuts her down.  He asks what the group is, and Gibbs calls them drug dealers and terrorists.  Alfonso is adamant that his brother didn’t play in those leagues.  “But he was involved with something,” and Hart says not to answer that.  That’s his right, but I don’t know how it helps him.  In a high-profile case like this, even if Gibbs doesn’t invoke the Patriot Act, the authorities can restrain Alfonso and stonewall the hell out of his lawyer.  Unless the path from his brother leads directly to Alfonso committing crimes (and that seems unlikely at this point), Hart telling him to stonewall for the sake of it isn’t good advice. 

And he doesn’t take it.  Alfonso wants answers too.  Whatever Lance Corporal Vega was mixed up in, it had the corporal freaked out.  Alfonso works for a cell phone company and admits that Lance Corporal Vega asked him to back-trace some calls to a warehouse in Virginia.  But Lance Corporal Vega didn’t say why- he just told Alfonso not to trust anybody.  He hopes he’s not making a mistake trusting Gibbs.  Hart scoffs.

Gibbs comes out to talk to his agents.  Ziva frantically runs down the hall and yells, “The popcorn!  I burnt the first batch, but…!”  Haha- nice.  Gibbs freezes her with a stare and his agents all tense up.  He smiles, though and helps himself to the popcorn.  Then he tells Tony and Ziva to check out the warehouse.

Hart comes out, and now she looks weak when she accuses Gibbs of feeling satisfied.  McGee, after a look from Gibbs, makes a lame excuse and flees.  Gibbs admits he’s feeling satisfied.  Hart asks Gibbs to release his client because he hasn’t been charged, but Gibbs knows his Patriot Act* and says, “Terrorism.  Don’t need to.”

*(At least in this universe.  Not sure it’s that cut and dried in ours).

Hart starts name-calling, but Gibbs thinks if Alfonso is telling the truth, he’s better off at NCIS (hopefully Hart isn’t familiar with their less-than-stellar protective detail record).  Hart angrily declares that she’s staying too.  Gibbs tells her how to find the vending machine.

Tony and Ziva are discussing who would win various kinds of fights between Gibbs and Hart.  There’s a thought that she might do OK against him in a knife fight.  Tony has a Geiger counter and is using it as they enter an alley near the warehouse.  He tells Ziva to pick the lock.  Ziva, perhaps understanding that Hart applies more than this show’s usual level of procedural scrutiny, correctly notes that they don’t have a warrant.  Tony incorrectly notes that the warehouse is foreclosed, the bank owns the warehouse, the people own the banks, and they are the people.  Yeah, Alfonso has nothing to worry about from the fruit of this poison tree. 

Ziva picks the lock, but figures Hart won’t approve.  Tony adopts the standard police perspective (at least on TV) and figures she’d change her tune if she ever had to work a homicide.  That’s doubtful, but I appreciate the show working through the perspectives.  Ziva, for example, seems to be on Hart’s side and points out that when she was imprisoned in North Africa, Saleem, her captor, justified his terrorism by claiming his way of life was threatened.  Ziva is clear to point out that she’s not defending Saleem, but, putting on her US citizenship test cap, she states that the US is a nation of laws and, in a nation of laws, the ends do not justify the means.  Whether it’s the more extreme edges or the Patriot Act, Tony wanting to enter a warehouse without a warrant or probable cause, or Saleem the terrorist, these are all simply different shades in the same box of crayons.  Ziva notes that she has seen firsthand what happens when convenience wins out over legal procedure.

Perhaps understanding that he’s not going to win the dialectical contest, Tony turns the conversation to talk of Ziva’s captivity and says she never talks about it.  Ziva wonders what there is to talk about.  Ziva says, “What Saleem did was bad enough.  Becoming like him would be worse.”  And walks off.  Tony seems chagrined but doesn’t speak.

The agents find fresh food and Ziva says whoever was present left in a hurry.  Tony notes that they burned some items.  Ziva finds a container of acetone hydroxide, the explosive that was hanging out in Lance Corporal Vega’s car.  Also, lots of wires, a couple of timers.  Pretty obvious what was happening here.

Back at the lab, Abby tells McGee that any bomb was the dirty kind as she found traces of cobalt-60 on the evidence (that will not be admissible anywhere against any defendant unless Ziva can credibly argue that it was possible to smell the explosive material from the alley (probable cause); or they left, got a warrant based on the phone calls Alfonso traced, and came back). 

Tony and Ziva also lifted prints, but Abby thinks they’re old prints from the warehouse’s previous owners.  Tony and Ziva also found a burnt-up laptop, but Abby thinks she can get something off the hard drive.  And, after a dramatic pause by Abby, she gets an all-done alert on her laptop efforts.

There are only two things on the laptop- an encrypted video file and solitaire.  They watch the video.  It’s a man, I assume it’s Lance Corporal Vega, saying to get the package in position, but not to detonate until whoever he’s talking to hears from him.  Abby figures with Lance Corporal Vega dead, maybe they’ve bought some time.  Ducky appears, looking for Gibbs, and is not so optimistic.

Ducky and Gibbs head to autopsy.  The COD was exploding, but Ducky found a wound that predates the blast: a non-self-inflicted wound from a car cigarette lighter.  But, there was only one body, so whoever did the injuring got out before the blast.  But…that’s not the kicker.  Dental records show our corpse had perfect teeth.  Lance Corporal Vega’s records show anything but.  The body isn’t Lance Corporal Vega.  He’s alive, to give whatever orders he wishes.

Gibbs and McGee report to Vance that DNA is back and John Cook is the dead guy.  Cook was a former Marine sergeant who did a tour in the Gulf War before being dishonorably discharged for looting.  Cook’s prints were on the bomb leavings from the warehouse.  McGee puts credit card and bank records on-screen but says they haven’t found anything.  Still, both Gibbs and Vance spot something simultaneously and tell McGee to back it up.  It’s an indication of routine dental visits.  If Cook had perfect teeth, why is he seeing a different dentist every two days? 

Vance has to brief the Joint Chiefs.  Based on experts, he’s not worried about radiation fallout.  Most of the injuries in a dirty bomb come from the explosion, and the radiation is negligible.  The big threat is the panic.  “That’s why they call dirty bombs weapons of mass disruption.”  Credit the show for trying to inform viewers in an age where dirty bombs were still a bit of a public concern.

McGee and Ziva interview one of the dentists about Cook.  Cook was a walk-in for a cleaning.  The dentists only remembers him because Cook had the most perfect teeth he’d ever seen.  The guy is a little too into talking about the exam, so McGee would rather just leave.  Then the dentist drops a remark about wondering if Cook had something to do with the robbery.  Per the dentist, thieves recently broke in and cleaned out all their x-ray machines.  Which explains the cobalt-60.  What it doesn’t explain is how Ziva and McGee didn’t check on whether radioactive material robberies occurred at the other two dentists they visited since Cook was clearly casing dental offices.  Or why there’s not a NRC or NSA database collecting information about radioactive material robberies. 

Ah…the show tries to educate us on that last point at least.  Per McGee, dirty bomb materials are used, perfectly lawfully, in far too many sources to track.  That makes sense.

In the squad room, Tony talks to McGee over the phone and now the concern is that the terrorists have enough material to make five dirty bombs.  Tony tells McGee that he can break the bad news to Gibbs.  Since, for some reason, they’re allowing Allison Hart to wander around NCIS unescorted, she hears this and inquires, “Tell Gibbs about what?”  She’s casually eating vending machine potato chips, which is funny to me for some reason.

Tony is not managing this situation well.  Hart makes her way over to Gibbs’s desk as she quietly pumps him for info, and he keeps talking.  Hart does say she was as surprised as Tony that Lance Corporal Vega is still alive.  She is still saying “Mr. Gibbs” and enters a discussion with Tony about who cuts whose hair.  Until Gibbs arrives and says, “Get out of my chair.”  Tony simply says “five” to alert Gibbs without giving the farm away to Hart.  They would like her to leave, but she continues to advocate for release of her client.  Then she does the unthinkable and hangs up Gibbs’s phone call while he’s trying to ignore her.  And makes a bunch of meaningless and legally unsupported threats about lawsuit counts under 42 USC Section 1983.  Gibbs shrugs and says to let Alfonso go.  Tony is shocked but complies.

Of course, then Tony and Ziva follow Alfonso. Tony thinks Gibbs planned on using Alfonso as bait from the beginning.  And Alfonzo was certainly cautious enough to try and shake the tail.  But now he has sent the taxi away and appears to be at his intended destination.

Ziva exits the vehicle.  Tony stays inside, but they maintain radio contact.  Then Tony sees Lance Corporal Vega exit the location.  They bust both brothers mid-discussion.  Although, Lance Corporal Vega insists they’re making a mistake.

In interrogation, Lance Corporal Vega would like to talk to his lawyer.  Gibbs says she’s on her way.  Although, she’s pretty much conflicted out at this point given that the Vega brothers could theoretically have inconsistent interests. 

Still, while Gibbs can’t ask Lance Corporal Vega any questions, that doesn’t stop him from sitting in the room with Lance Corporal Vega and letting him stew in the awkward silence.  Lance Corporal Vega starts talking and says he’s not a terrorist.  Gibbs plays the video Abby found.  Lance Corporal Vega says he can explain it.  Gibbs says he can’t wait and goes silent.  Lance Corporal Vega can’t take it and says, “Screw the lawyer.”  Gibbs cleverly supplies him with a waiver of counsel form.  He signs it, and then Gibbs goes straight to Gunny voice- “What is the matter with you, Marine?!”

Lance Corporal Vega says he’s being set up.  Somebody who says he worked for DOD needed native Spanish speakers to perform in a top-secret training video.  Gibbs shows a photo of Cook and says he does not work for DOD.  Lance Corporal Vega makes the positive identification and says Cook had the credentials.  Cook took him to a building set up to look like a terrorist HQ and had him record all kinds of fake videos.  “Not all!” says Gibbs, still working the angry Marine angle to encourage cooperation.  Lance Corporal Vega says he then noticed someone following him, so he got suspicious and started asking around about the training program.  No other Marines knew about it.  Gibbs is flabbergasted that Lance Corporal Vega would then hire a lawyer versus going to his superior.

Lance Corporal Vega says he read an article about Hart that described her as an attorney who helps people like him.  What does that even mean?  People caught up in fake government ops?  People from Peru?  People with brothers who suck at bar pick-up?  People who are potentially going to get into trouble with NCIS?  I’m imagining a billboard/bus ad with Gibbs’s face that says, “Is this man harassing you?  Call M. Allison Hart at 202-BAD-COPS!”

Anywho…Cook must have suspected something because he carjacked Lance Corporal Vega (presumably after putting a suitcase full of contraband in the trunk).  Lance Corporal Vega saw a cop and blew a stop sign to get attention.  Then he bailed in an alley during the chase (presumably after burning Cook with a cigarette lighter).  Cook had no choice but to keep going, Ka-boom.

Lance Corporal Vega wants to know if Gibbs believes him.  And even if Gibbs doesn’t, he swears he doesn’t know anything about an impending attack. 

Tony updates Gibbs that cell records confirm Lance Corporal Vega’s contact with Hart, and they found traces of blood on the street where Lance Corporal Vega, who does have facial lacerations, said he leapt from the car.  Abby has confirmed it’s his blood.  The trips to Peru are to see a lady.  A good-looking lady with like seven names.  Tony believes Lance Corporal Vega’s story based on the DiNozzo Hot Girlfriend/Terrorist Scale, which posits that as the hotness of the girlfriend goes up, the likelihood of the guy being a terrorist goes down.  

I can see the logic. He’s got something to lose.

But Gibbs smirks, and mentions Cook’s set-up.  Tony winces and now figures the girl was a honeytrap of sorts to help set up Lance Corporal Vega to be the fall guy for Libertad Nueva.

But who’s left to be the suspect?  Ziva arrives, and notes that our dentist has mysteriously disappeared.  But that’s not why she came.  She turns on the news and the channel announces that Libertad Nueva sent a ransom note.  The note that says the US should stop with drug operations in Peru, or Liberrtad Nueva will detonate one dirty bomb per day starting in an hour. 

In the squad room, Ziva is to get a copy of the ransom email. Tony will talk to Metro PD.  McGee is looking for the dentist.  Vance wants to know what Gibbs needs (since he already banned Hart from the building).  McGee announces that there’s activity on a dental social networking site to which the dentist belongs. The guy uploaded a photo of a bus at a terminal.  That’s weird enough that McGee traces the site to an IP address in Peru and figures that’s how the terrorists are communicating.  Gibbs calls the team to action, 

NCIS arrives at the bus terminal in the photo.  The bomb squad is not going to make it in time, Tony announces.  McGee hands out radiation sensors, but they won’t work if the bomb is shielded.  McGee goes with Gibbs.  People at the bus terminal are panicking and fleeing.  By the announced timeline, the agents have five minutes. 

Gibbs and McGee search the bus terminal.  McGee gets a hit, but something is blocking the sensor.  Tony announces that the evacuation is complete, and Gibbs tells him and Ziva to stay outside. McGee and Gibbs search a luggage rack and find the bomb with 40 seconds left.  And counting down.  McGee says they have time to run.  If the building has been evacuated, why not just let it blow, especially since the risk of contamination is minimal?  Gibbs is worried about the panic, though.  He tells McGee to leave and says it’s an order.  McGee says it’s an order he’ll be disobeying.  The clock is really down to it now, and McGee says if it’s a tamper-resistant circuit, they’re dead; but he recommends cutting [uncomfortable pause] the black wire.  But Gibbs has already cut the red wire, and the timer stops at 2 seconds. 

That was surprisingly tense.

Even more tense, Abby reports back at the lab, that there was a tamper-resistant circuit and the bomb should have blown.  But the explosive was mixed incorrectly.  The first batch was too unstable and blew up in Lance Corporal Vega’s trunk, so they overcorrected on the second try and mixed it too lean.  Abby awards the terrorists an ‘F’ in chemistry.  She should have kept that to herself.  Gibbs will take it in stride.  McGee will have nightmares for months.

Tony and Ziva arrive to report that they found nothing on the terminal security tapes.  McGee has located the dentist.  Or his body, which was found under a local bridge.  He even left a suicide note, taking credit for everything.  The agents think that’s a little too neat, as a guy disappears mysteriously, claims credit for the work of a terror group he has no prior connection to, and then kills himself while leaving a confession.  Tony thinks if Lance Corporal Vega was the original fall guy, maybe they’re improvising.  Gibbs seems to have an idea and leaves. 

It’s an idea with risk, Vance informs Gibbs in the Director’s office.  If he’s wrong…but Gibbs is confident he isn’t.  Kane, the private intel expert on Libertad Nueva (and the last possible suspect with just over 5 minutes left) is there.  Vance tells Kane that he wants his take on something before he goes to the Joint Chiefs.  The next bomb is set for 12 hours.  To prepare, Vance says Gibbs thinks they should do nothing.  Kane seems shocked.  Gibbs says the threats are all for show.  Kane asks after the endgame.  Vance points out that the Senate is prepared to vote on a new defense bill that evening.  It’s a terrible bill that would never have passed because it gave away too much pork to defense contractors.  But now, with a terrorist threat in motion, it’s on much better footing.  And then Gibbs accuses Kane of trying to influence the Senate vote with a fake Libertad Nueva scheme. 

Turns out Kane’s company will make tens of millions if the bill passes.  And all the Libertad Nueva info comes form Kane’s company.  All NCIS could independently verify of the group’s existence is a 13-year-old kid with a website.  Kane created a fake terror cell and used it to set up a public opinion situation where no Senator could ever vote against a defense bill at threat level red.  Kane calls it ridiculous and tries to leave.  But Vance very forcefully tells him to sit down.  Turns out NCIS traced the bus photo upload to a computer in Kane’s offices.  They tried to disguise it, but, per Vance, “We just have better nerds than you do.” 

Vance gives Kane a choice: cop to it now and let him take the city off alert and he’ll ask the AG to waive the death penalty.  Gibbs starts his own countdown and gives Kane ten seconds.  Kane says he’ll need to talk to his lawyers.  Then Ziva enters and said they finally traced the bus photos to a computer in Kane’s office.  Kane says, “You were bluffing,” and Vance says to cuff him.

I don’t understand the narrative objective of that sequence.  Why bluff if they’re only a few minutes away from being able to not bluff?  Or, if they didn’t know how long the computer trace will take, why allow Ziva to come in and announce it.  For purposes of the plot, whether NCIS had the goods on Kane for real or didn’t doesn’t make a whole lot of difference.

Whatever…

Gibbs arrives at his home.  Allison Hart is sitting in his living room.  She’s angry about Gibbs using her client as bait, but I have no idea why she thinks she’s entitled to be angry.  There is no law against cutting a suspect loose to surveil him.  She’s angry because Gibbs played her.  He’s angry because she thinks his unlocked door means, “Come on in.”  He at least has a point.

They debate justice and procedure.  She wonders if he has never put the wrong guy away and he wonders if she has never helped the wrong guy get away, and can’t they both be right?  Isn’t the whole point that an adversarial system benefits us all at the global level regardless of individual outcomes?  Maybe that’s the show’s point even if the characters don’t seem to get it. 

Either way, Gibbs takes the cheap shots and points out how nice Hart’s suit is and that working for guys like Lance Corporal Vega doesn’t buy her clothes.  Working for scum like Colonel Bell does.  Hart says she does plenty of pro bono work. Gibbs has looked into that and determined that the only pro bono requests she takes are the ones that run her into him.  She calls him conceited, but she’s the one standing in his house.  Gibbs gets all close to her and it gets a little sexual as he says he has a job to do and she keeps getting in the way. 

Then they lean in for a make-out session and that’s how we end it.

Wait, what?

Quotables:

(1) Ziva: Lucky the blast was isolated.  Considering the debris radius, this could have been much worse.

Tony: Not for this guy.

(2) Ziva: What do you think Corporal Vega was doing at an empty warehouse?

Tony: I don’t know. Why don’t you pick the lock and find out?

Ziva: We do not have a warrant.

Tony: This building is foreclosed, which means it’s owned by the banks, and since the people own the banks, I think technically we own the building.

Ziva: Wow.  [picks lock] Lock picked.  I do not think our friendly neighborhood counselor would approve.

Tony: Yeah.  Well, let her spend a night working a homicide.  Tell ya…things aren’t so black-and-white when the walls are all splattered with red, are they?

Ziva: Or when your way of life is threatened.

Tony: Exactly.  Wait a second.  Are you mocking me?

Ziva: No, Tony, I was not mocking you. It’s just that when I was held hostage in Somalia, Saleem used similar justifications for his actions.

Tony: Saleem.  Caf-POW! -swilling sociopath was a terrorist, Ziva.

Ziva: [chuckles] I’m sure he would say he was just protecting his way of life.

Tony: You’re not seriously defending him, are you?

Ziva: No, Tony. His actions were indefensible, regardless of his reasons.  And that is my point.  This country holds itself to a higher standard.  It is a nation of laws, which are to be followed not only when it is convenient or easy.  I have seen firsthand what happens when convenience wins out.

(3) Vance: You cop to it now, right now, you let me get this city off alert, I’ll ask the Attorney General to waive the death penalty.  You got ten seconds.  After that, you can start thinking about which vein you want us to shut you off with.

Gibbs: Five seconds.

Kane: I’ll need to talk to my lawyers first.

Gibbs: Oh, yeah, I bet you do.

(4) Gibbs: Am I the only one who needs a warrant?

Allison Hart: Door was unlocked.

Gibbs: Well, that’s going to end soon.

Ziva-propisms: Ziva kept it clean today.

Tony Awards: Better late than never, Tony references Marathon Man (1976) with 6:20 or so left in the episode.

Abby Road: Abby keeps to the straight and narrow.

McNicknames: McPanic.

Ducky Tales: Ducky has nothing for us.

The Rest of the Story:

-Gibbs’s shoulder is in a sling because he got hit by a car last episode.  Jet Lag, Episode 7.13.  Kudos to this show.  Most TV cops just shrug off mid-range velocity vehicular impact.  Which, I can tell you, is ridiculous.  I had a car graze me once while the driver was backing out of a parking space at a Wendy’s.  It was a glancing blow to my right upper arm/elbow at about the lowest speed a car can be traveling.  I was knocked off my stride, but it wasn’t a big enough deal to even have dialogue with the driver.  Plus, I was hungry.  Regardless, the whole right side of my body was sore for days.  Cars hurt.

-Tony references his bout with pneumonic plague.  SWAK, Episode 2.22.

-Abby routinely and irrationally freaks out when the agents are in danger.  See, e.g. Corporal Punishment, Episode 5.10.

-Ziva has been studying to take the US citizenship test since roughly Outlaws & In-Laws, Episode 7.6.

-Since Ziva defuses bombs (See Light Sleeper, Episode 3.14; Sandblast, Episode 4.7), I’m not sure why she doesn’t go into the terminal with Gibbs and McGee.

-Gibbs routinely leaves his door unlocked.

-Not only does Allison Hart not have red hair, but she’s almost certainly a stalker.  Gibbs should flee this shipwreck.

Casting Call: Kane is John Getz, who has made the rounds on all three NCIS shows.

Man, This Show Is Old: Dirty bombs don’t get talked about much anymore.  It has also been a while since Department of Homeland Security used color-coded threat levels.

MVP: Did we have one?  Nobody stands out.  Gibbs and McGee are only not dead because of terrorist incompetence.  I guess Ducky, for sussing out that Lance Corporal Vega wasn’t dead.

Rating: This one isn’t very good.  The only positive assessment I can give it relates to the background messaging.  The show was very evenhanded about the debate over ends and means in the criminal law sphere.  I don’t like Hart, but I get the objective of her character (or I did before she made out with Gibbs).  And Ziva’s and Tony’s discussion in the warehouse was also good.  And Vance’s calm discussion of the danger of fear is a message that we as Americans can’t hear too many times. 

But, messaging aside, the character work was subpar, and the script left me cold.  All of Hart’s high-mindedness seems to fall away when she’s on the defensive.  And, by the end of the episode, she seems like a headcase and another future entry in the Gibbs Book of Bad Decisions.

The (other) scheme had too many moving parts to be plausible.  The team was lucky, not good, with respect to the bomb.  The criminal procedure was garbage, and while I’m too lazy to try and figure out whether NCIS could have nailed Kane without the poisoned evidence, it seems unlikely.  Yes, there are ways to cook that warrant, but I really do think Kane walks under a realistic scenario.  He’d plead most likely, but I think he’d be in good shape in a suppression hearing. 

And it goes to show the need for good procedure all the time.  Sad but true, if you’re just trying to bust some low-level criminal grunt (or a non-citizen group of terrorists), you can probably get away with cheating on the warrant.  They either don’t have a lawyer, have a shitty lawyer, have an overworked lawyer, or have an expedient lawyer.  And a plea is highly likely.  But what if the warrant you cheated on takes you in the direction of a white-collar crook with money and resources to pay for a full meal deal defense?  Ooops.

Four Palmers.  Better luck next time. 

Next Time: Speaking of next time, Corporal Punishment, Damon Werth, returns and we have big rigs and race cars and slashed throats, oh my.

Alex Barfield is an attorney in Atlanta, Georgia. When not practicing law or writing about NCIS, he chases his children around, volunteers at his church, and looks for other television shows to obsess over. He can be reached at albarfie@gmail.com.